SILVER LININGS 2008
September 6
Aegean Room, Waterfront Hotel, Lahug, Cebu City
Speaker : Jessica Orleans
Topic : Parenting During Cancer
Host  : Maricel Laxa

Maricel Laxa:  Now, we will hear from Jessica. Jessica is a daughter who had to deal with cancer twice. Once when she was four and second when she was a teenager when her Mom had a recurrence. Let’s hear it from Jessica Orleans.

Jessica Orleans: Hi. I was just supposed to help out because I wanted to go to Cebu and then my Mom said that Tita Kara wanted me to talk. Okay, for a higher purpose.  

Anyway, the words “No more dede, bad bukol” were the words my Mom used to explain to my brother and I her breast cancer. I am 18 years old right now and my brother is 21 years old.  

I was 3 years old back then when she was first diagnosed with Stage 1 breast cancer. At that age, I didn’t really understand so I guess it didn’t affect me that much. All I knew was that, Mom was sick. They had to remove her right breast to remove the cancer and carrot juice has now become a part of our meal. Now, carrot juice is probably the worst drink ever. It made me hate carrots. But I remember Mom used to say to just think of it as a medicine so that we are not expected to like it but we have to drink it. I remember every breakfast whenever my Dad and I would eat together, he would hold the glass of carrot juice up and into the air and say, “To your health!” before drinking it. He had an amazing ability of drinking carrot juice like it was some delicious drink. There was no really drastic change because our family has always been a bunch of health freaks.  We have always eaten healthy. The only change was that the carrot juice was there. 

After my Mom got diagnosed, my Mom continued to have annual check ups. Let us fast forward. When I was 15 years old, Mom noticed a retraction on her left nipple. She had it checked and there were several check ups that she went through like ultrasounds, mammogram, MRI and all the results were negative.  My Mom was not convinced so she thought of needle biopsy and it showed positive results. It was Stage 2-B of breast cancer which means that it has already spread to the lymph nodes. Just want to take note, while she was having all these tests, our family was always updated with every test that she had. She had no secrets at all. So the night that my Mom found out that she is positive. I was already 15 years old, I had more sense of things and I remember just giving out a sigh like “Oh Mom.” Like giving out this sorry sigh. But Mom just said that “No, don’t be sorry. God has a purpose for everything.” I knew Mom was not afraid. She is not afraid at all. It wasn’t like pretending to be strong because our family has always been open to each other. One thing that made me not get afraid was that she explained it matter of factly like this is what happened, etc. There were no hidden agendas and it was not like anything scary.  

A little bit about my family. We try to make it a point to at least pray every night.  Dad asked us what we wanted to pray for. You know what, my Mom told us, let’s just make this a night of praising God. What! Okay, I could not understand. We did that, like praising God, and said goodnight to my parents and went up to my room. When I went up to my room that was when I cried. My Mom only found out that I cried when Tita Carla interviewed me and she read it in the newspaper. I never told her that I cried. It wasn’t tears of sadness and it wasn’t tears of fear. I was asking not out of anger but more like of wondering like “Why my Mom? Why again?” 

It was more tears of sadness because I knew that she had to go through it again and she, knowing that I really don’t know how she feels about going through chemotherapy again. It was just really sad for me. My Mom would always quote a verse from the bible Romans 8: 28, “And we know, in all things, God always works for the good of those who love him and who have been called according to his purpose.” She always quoted that even way before she had cancer the second time. Whenever I don’t want to go to school or complain why I ever have to do this. She would always say, “God is working for the good.” “Okay, easy for you to say.” 

I think that is one thing but that verse became so real to me when that happened because just when I was asking God, I am not saying that he answered my questions directly. He did not say, “Just because blah blah…” It was not like that. It was more of a blessing to me as well. Just knowing that “I am always in control and everything works out for the good.” I think one of the answers is to be an encouragement to those who have cancer as well, and for my part to be able to understand the daughters or children whose parents have cancer.  I guess to be able to tell them that God is in control.  

Dr. Honey asked me why I did not want to show her and I think looking back, the reason why I did not want to tell or show her that I cried because I did not see the need. When you are 15 years old, my thoughts were “Mommy already has enough stuff going on. She already has a lot of things going on that I don’t want to be a burden to that, which I don’t think is a good idea because it is always better to be open and tell her about it. You are putting too much burden on yourself like yun nga, kids would say that “No, I don’t want to be a burden.” Parents would want to get involved and I should be telling that to your kids.  Moms would like to get involved in your lives. 

To end is that after everything, the most important thing is to be in tune with God.  It sounds really superficial but if you look at it, doctors can only do so much. You can only do so much. It is good to always think or recognize that things don’t happen by accident. God has always a purpose for everything. That he has you and he is always in control and in control of your life. Thank you. 

Ms. Laxa: Thank you very much, Jessica. How I wish your children would be able to listen to you. We really have to be real at kelangan magpakatotoo tayo. I remember the time when Benjamin was first diagnosed with his heart ailment, he asked me, what was wrong with him because I was talking to the doctor. Benj, “there is something wrong with your heart”. Pero naiiyak na ako, ayokong sabihin. So what does that mean? Sabi ng doctor, mali pa nga e. You have a hole in your heart.  “Really, can I talk to my Dad?”, sabi niya. Dad, tinawagan ko sa phone. Dad, sabi niya, can you fix my heart? I can’t fix your heart but God can.  “Oh, okay then I am the most healed boy of all.” Yun ang sabi ni Benj.  From that day on until the whole experience preparing for his surgery, all he kept saying was, he was the most healed boy of all. It was just a matter of faith. You just have to claim in it. You have to embrace it. You are not sick. It is just something that the Lord is doing. Right now, you need to go through. You are the healed one. You just have to trust. Raise your left hand na muna. Tap the person to your left, and say, you are the healedest of all. Raise your right hand. Tap the person to your right and say, magpakatotoo ka.