SILVER LININGS 2008
September 6
Atlantic Hall, Waterfront Hotel, Lahug, Cebu City 
Speaker : Doris Nuval
Topic : Stories Of Hope
Host  : Dr. Karen De La Cruz 

Good afternoon po. I’m so happy to be here in the queen city of the south, Cebu. I really love Cebu. Di ko alam kung bakit ako yung pinili for this topic. Sapagka’t kaya may porma? I was gonna tell Kara “Kara, huwag kang maniwala sa propaganda, hindi naman talaga ako nag-do-do.” Pero actually, ahmm… ok let’s ah… let’s just make a few notes kasi I’m not used to really reading speeches. I was diagnosed in 2005, November. So I was staged 2A. May butcher talked to you earlier, si Dr. Mark Kho. He did ah modified radical mastectomy on me tapos 6 cycles of chemo. Pero yung pinakamahinang klase. And in between my chemo treatments, because I was based in Mindanao, I kept going back to Mindanao for work and doing scuba diving in between, and during all my chemo sessions, nagpa-party ako sa hospital. That’s the kind of life I really led.

In my past, I’ve only been married once. But the marriage only lasted 9 months. So for all intents and purposes, single ako my whole life and I’ve had boyfriends and I’ve always been sexually active. (Audience laughing and clapping)

Doris: Oo di ba? And hindi lang yun, alam mo first time ko talaga to talk about sex in public kasi palaging may video ito pero inatasan ako and I never shirk from responsibility. And when I do have sex, I’m one of those na…. hmmm... medyo total abandon di ba? (Audience cheering)

Doris: So hoooo… (laughing) everyday nangyayari yun. So when I got diagnosed with cancer and the possibility of mastectomy was raised, yung parang, yung sa akin, parang one portion of your life, which was the sex part, was going to die di ba? Kasi sa akin na nga I’m not gonna make love with my bra on. Ayoko. Ayoko talaga. Ito ngang talagang, in the pa- in my young days nga, gusto ko broad daylight, yung alam mo yun. In any case…. Tawa lang sila ng tawa (laughing with audience) eh totoo naman yun. Gusto ko sunlight pa nga yung ganun.

Eh di ba sige na-diagnose si Doris. Ok? Ok, sabi kong ganun “Doris, seryoso ‘to” To sex or not to sex di ba? Huwag na, tutal in your young years you had enough of it, more than enough di ba? Well, sabi ko sa inyo sexually active ako, no more sex. Mastectomy, no more sex. Ok. So ok… the day before the operation, itong meron akong makulit na pinsan, Cynthia Sta. Maria. She’s an Opus Dei member. Forgive me if I, if I offend Opus Dei members here. Anyway, sabi niya “Ate, mag-confession ka” ayan na… Sabi ko “Bakit naman ako magco-confession?” “Basta mag-confession ka Ate. It will be good for you.” Sabi ko, “Eh hindi naman ako mamamatay bukas no? Operation lang, kukunin lang yung suso ko.” Sabi kong ganun. “Hindi Ate, you confess.” Anyway, sa kakulitan niya “O sige, sige” sabi ko.. “O sige send over the priest.” Sabi kong ganun. Eh di the night before the operation, hinatid ako ng barangay Nuval sa Manila Doctors Hospital. Ok. Medyo masaya kami. Masaya na tense. Ayan siyempre, medyo ano. Tapos may pumasok na pari. Naka-ano talaga, yung ganun… ganun. Tapos sabi niya, “Are you Doris?” Then I said “Yes, Father.” Tapos sabi niya, “I’m here to hear your confession.” He was a Burmese from ah… san ba ang Burmese? San ba ang Burmese? (audience laughing) sa Sri Lanka, sa Burma. Eh di sabi niya, “Ok.” Di sabi ng anak ko, yung mga ano ko. “Uh-oh, this is gonna be a long confession! We better get out of here!” So umalis silang lahat. Itong mga Opus Dei, they have a way of hearing confession. Anyway, I told the priest “Father I don’t know how to confess. Why don’t you just give me an ablution?” Sabi kong ganun. (audience laughing)

Tapos sabi niya, “A what?” “An ablution, Father, you know, I mean it’s the same thing di ba?” “It’s an absolution. And I cannot give you an absolution unless you tell me your sins.” Eh di sabi ko, “Uh-oh…” Eh di ganito yung style niya, they ask questions pala. They’ll ask you leading questions on what you did and most of the questions of course, I don’t know why for some reason, were about sex di ba? So yung mga question niya, “Yes Father I did” “Did you…” ganun, ganyan… lalalala…. “Yes, father I did” “You did, did you…” lalalala…. “Yes father.” Eh nabuwisit na ako kasi ang tagal-tagal! Di meron siyang tinanong. O sige sinagot ko, “No Father.” Sabi kong ganun. Ok eh di medyo umiksi yung ano no, yung questions. Ngayon, napag-isip-isip ko, “Putris, kung mamamatay ako bukas…” Sabi ko eh nagsinungaling ako… Sabi ko… kaya sabi ko “Father, alam niyo yung tinanong niyo kanina, yung 2 questions ago, that was a yes.” (audience laughing)

And then to make the story short, siguro mga 3 more questions at the end of everything, ano binigyan niya ako ng penance ano? Tapos ano, ide-demonstrate ko ah… Ganito, umalis siya, umalis siya ng kwarto tapos tumingin siya sa akin, “You, do not have sex!” biruin mo, kasi when I was supposed to be, kasi single ako di ba? Whatever… anyway, “Do not have sex.” So when, when I ano, when he left and I was alone in the room, tamang-tama pala yung resolutions ko not to have sex, sinabi ng pari din di ba? di ok yun. But you know I guess when you’re a sexual creature or whatever, you can’t really keep your resolution di ba? (audience laughing)

Kaya ito kamo na nga kasi yung feeling ko talaga beauty-ing beauty ako eh. Eh yung after my second chemo, pumunta ako ng Montemar Beach Club di ba? Pero yung prosthetic ko nun chipangga pa, hindi pa yung nakakabit sa ano, sa bathing suit. And so naglalakad talaga ako dun, talagang feeling model. Ganun-ganun. Tapos nung nasa tubig ako emote ako ng emote, yung prosthetic ko di ba? Andun emote din siya ng emote. (Audience laughing)

Ano di ba? Tapos paglakad ko, balik sa shade. Hay naku ang daming mga foreigners, ang gwapo! Dito sa kaliwa naman mga local. Naku! Lakad talaga si Doris. Pagdating ko sa ano, di syempre, ka-iigtad ko medyo yung gravity di ba? Medyo… ting--itataas ko ung ano, pagtingin ko wala na yung prosthetic! (Audience laughing)

Nasira, nasira yung beauty ko. So I went back to the water to look for it. Sabi ko …. Yun tapos naglagay ako ng notice na ano “Lost and found: missing boob.” (Audience laughing)

But anyway, yun and then it was, it was quite fortunate din naman that it was a blessing in the sense that before I… no when I got diagnosed with cancer my boyfriend of many years decided to cut it off. Actually it was a mutual decision and for me it was parang… ok na rin siguro ‘coz he was really a boob guy… eh may mga guys kasi di ba eh wala silang pakialam sa suso pero yung iba talagang type na type naman nilang mangdakma. (audience laughing) Yung ganun. Eh siya eh dakmaero talaga kaya sabi ko, “O sige ok na rin, ok na rin na hindi siya ano, hindi ko siya boyfriend.” Eto… meron akong boyfriend dun na nag-come back… oh my golly gee Moses! ‘Di hindi ako maka-resist ano? Di syempre bumalik yung alam mo yun? Nakaraan ganun… tapos one thing led to another. Tapos on the way na kami sa motel… sabi ko,, “By the way, you know naman that I have cancer no?” Sabi kong ganun (audience laughing)

Tapos sabi niya “Huh?” “Yeah, tumor” sabi kong… “Just tumor here.” And anyway, to make the story short during our tatatatatata ganun, ganun… Putris nahulog yung prosthetic ko. . (audience laughing) Naudlot yung ano namin. Kasi sa kakatawa ko talaga, talaga, I could not go on, talagang… then I said “I’m sorry” I said “I’ll wear a better bra next time” so the next time bumili ako nung nursing bra para at least natatanggal… yung isang side lang di ba? Tapos yung isa medyo intact. Yun, yun ang ginawa ko.

Anyway, so there. Tapos you…. Those of you who were here earlier for the talk kay Dr. Mark Kho. He’s my doctor. So like di ba these doctors, every time you, ewan ko lang sa ibang survivors dito, but they always ask how you are, and you know all that. Siyempre, so yung isang tanong niya nung binisita ko eh…. “How’s the dryness?” yung ganun oh, napaka-personal na ano di ba? “How’s the dryness down there?” Eh di sabi ko “What dryness?” Tapos sabi niya “You’re not dry?” I said “No” Di sabi niya “But you’re menopausing, you’re on a Arimidex.” Arimidex by the way… is supposed to lower your libido. (audience laughing) Oh, anak ng… but it didn’t lower my libido in other words. So he said and after several visits “You know Doris, would you mind if I used you as a case study, as a…” Not as a case, he didn’t exactly use those words. He said “As an example for other women so they won’t be, they don’t get afraid to get on Arimidex. Because all of the theories about Arimidex and all of the … indi- what do you call, indications? Thought… whatever, the one you see there in the ano… brochures, it’s supposed to lower your libido but it didn’t in my case.

And even if just for that, just for being an inspiring case for women of my age and even those above or below, I think cancer was worth it. Ang… and lessons learned… inform your partner before…. (audience laughing) inform your partner beforehand that you have a missing boob. You can think of creative ways of doing it. You know, if you really feel uncomfortable about you know, being totally naked, then you can wear a tapis right over the ano and just shut!, you know… you can be creative about it and really still totally enjoy it. Or if you like it in the dark but me, ako talagang, hindi ko talaga type yung, yung dark na dark. Gusto ko may ano…. May ilaw. And another advice of course is… to be yourself. Because if your partner does not know you for who you are and what you are, then he’s not worth your time. You just be yourself and love and sex will come at the most unexpected moment when you’re not… right? Oh, yung mga sisters ko! Alam na alam yan di ba?

So, ladies and gentlemen, there is sex after my mastectomy and a lot of life after cancer. Thank you very much.