SILVER LININGS 2008
September 6
Atlantic Hall, Waterfront Hotel, Lahug, Cebu City
Speaker : Christie Fedilis J. Caballero
Topic : Stories Of Hope
Host  : Dr. Karen De La Cruz

Whenever I am asked to share my experiences and insights about cancer, my memory brings me back to my childhood. And I remember my Lola Fidela, a gracious and gentle lady after whom I was named Fedilis. She died of cancer – cancer of the breast, to be specific – when I was only six years old. She was eighty three years old then. So in my youthful mind, the word cancer was in indelibly associated with suffering, death and old age. It never occurred to me that the Big C could hit anyone in the prime of her life. But such was the case with me. I was only twenty five years old when the Big C hit me. It was unbelievable, not only to me but to also to all who knew me and most especially to those who love me. Unbelievable yet unbelievably true.

Early one morning, while taking a bath, I accidentally felt a lump on my left breast. I thought there was nothing serious about it, however, I told my boyfriend and cousin about it. They advised me to see a doctor. I was really hesitant but my boyfriend practically dragged me to the doctor. The first surgeon I went to, told me to come back after three months if the lump grows. I was not satisfied, so I went to another - Dr. Rogelio Kangleon.  He advised me to submit a series of lab test.  The result of my mammogram and breast ultrasound were both negative.  The lump was hard, so I was subjected to a fine needle biopsy.  When I read the result, it was “Ductal Carcinoma”.  

The word carcinoma is just another term for cancer, so I presumed I already had it, even if my surgeon had seen my result yet.  I was sad and hopeless.  I was worried because I know how expensive the medication of cancer is.  Where will I get the needed funds?  I know my salary is not enough to sustain my medication.  I looked up and said “Lord, help me!”.  After that I tried to cheer myself up and said “Life must go on”.  I broke the news to my boyfriend.  I was thankful to God for his reaction.  He told that we will face the big C challenge together and said “I will be here on your side”.  Oh, I was touched by his loving concern, then my tears started to flow because I didn’t expect that reaction.  Right then and there, my heart was filled with joy and praises to God.

The next day, I gave the result to my surgeon.  He could not believe what he saw because it was a rare case.  He said that there could be a possible error in the biopsy considering the result of my mammogram, my breast ultrasound, and my age.  So he told me that I had to undergo operation to remove the mass.  If the mass was benign, he would merely remove the mass but if I had cancer cells, then he would have to do a mastectomy.  I agreed to whatever he considered best for me.  Before my operation, I prayed hard that the mass would be benign.

On the post anesthesia room, I tried touching my left breast.  Surprisingly, I it was still there.  So I said “Thank you, Lord. It’s not cancer”.  I thought God answered my prayer.  However, well I was still there, I overheard the nurses talking “Luoya anang usa uy.  Bataa pa niya nag ka cancer” (I pity her.  She is too young to have cancer) I was taken aback.  I was really sure that they were referring to me.  Even if my doctor had not told me the result of my frozen section biopsy,  I already knew that I had cancer.  

I never questioned God why I am stricken with cancer this early in my life, instead I prayed that I will be able to go through this and my mother will have the strength to accept the fact that I have cancer.  When I was in my room, I was half awake but I could hear what they were talking about.  The news spread like wild fire because my cousin had an OR nurse friend who assisted my operation.  I could hear my mother crying.

On the next day, my doctor came and confirmed that it was really cancer and referred me to an oncologist – Dr. Ellie Mae Villegas.  I noticed my mother became weak.  After I was discharged from the hospital, we went to another doctor for my mother’s condition.  My mother was diagnosed and it was discovered that she had renal failure.  I felt that the world crashing on me.  Now, I was worried about our treatment and my younger brother’s studies.  Where will I get the money?  Again, I looked up and said “Lord, help…..”.  The story of Job came into my mind.  I prayed “Lord, if it is Your will that we will still live, please show us how to support our treatment and my brother’s studies”.

A few days after my operation, I visited my oncologist.  She discussed my condition.  My cancer stage was Stage 2B.  Although my nodes were negative, my mass was big.  My treatment would entail six cycles of chemotherapy and 35 days of radiation therapy.  My Onco gave me TAC, the strongest medication, because my cancer cells were invasive and I am young.

All the while, I was worrying about how to raise funds for my therapy because my HMO insurance was exhausted during my operation.  It was then that I personally witnessed how God really provides and how HE works through people.  When my relatives in Bohol knew that I had cancer and my mother had renal failure, my cousin immediately agreed to buy our Riceland.  Then, my officemate approached me and informed me that the PCSO could help my chemo.  My officemates even chipped-in money to help our family.  It was a humbling experience because “morag nanglimos sila” (they seem to be giving alms to the poor), thought I never asked them to do so.  I never expected that my aunt would sponsor one cycle of chemo and somebody sponsored my radiation.  Gosh, it was really an overwhelming blessing from God.

Now, may I tell you about the brighter side of my life.

After my operation and final diagnosis, my boyfriend proposed marriage to me.  I mentioned to him that possibility of my not being able to bear children for him but he said that it did not matter to him at all, as long as we will be together for the rest of our lives.  Isn’t that sweet?  Honestly my friends, that to me, was the sweetest thing I heard.

So we planned that our wedding would be after all my therapies. I could still remember that during my radiation, I surfed at Sister’s Best Café at the Perpetual Soccour Hospital for designs of gowns, invitations, songs, barong, and other items for the wedding while waiting for my turn for radiation.  On my wedding day, I was wearing a wig.  I was unbelievably glowing with joy and love!  I know I was a radiantly beautiful bride.  I wonder if the people who saw me walk down the aisle would believe I was hit by the Big C.

Now, may I share with you the insights I got from my journey with cancer:

1)  Cancer is not a death sentence.  It is called a big C which means a Big Chance in life.  Some would say that cancer is a lifestyle disease.  It is time for us to change our lifestyle like our food intake, too much worries and pollution.

2)  Life is a gift.  We have only one life to live.  Enjoy life and make a difference.  What is important is not how long you live but how well you live.  I believe that each one of us has a mission to fulfill.  I often wonder why I am always invited to share my story to others when I am not good at facing a big crowd.  Neither am I good at making speeches.  Maybe this is a challenge I have to take.

3)  Leave everything to God, and everything else will follow.  As Tita Me’anne Alcordo-Solomon would always say “faith begins when worries end”.

4)  Let love be your inspiration.  If not for the love of my family and my husband, maybe I would not have chosen to live.  When my husband told me, “we will face this challenge together”, it gave me hope to live.  More so, when I think of my mother who is also sick and brother who still needs my support, I told myself – “I MUST LIVE”.

5)  Have a positive attitude. What your mind can conceive, your body can achieve.  When I joined a support group, I saw happy people there. I asked them how long they have been battling with cancer?  Some said 8 years, 5 years, 2 years etc….I said to myself “Wow! I can be like them too.”

6) Health is wealth. Take care of your body. If you notice something strange in your body, see your doctor immediately before its too late.  Remember, early detection saves life and saves money too.

7)  Knowledge is power. Immediately after I was diagnosed, I surfed the net about cancer.  I even borrowed surgical books because knowledge lessens fear of the unknown.  I wanted to know the Do’s and Don’ts  in order to cope with the disease.

8)  Laughter is still the best medicine.  Even doctors would say that.

My friends, with God’s grace, life can better after Cancer.  I praise and thank the LORD for LIFE and LOVE!  God bless us all!  Thank you…